“Mamie” Welcomes Author Martha Char Love with Gut Instincts

Welcome to Mamie’s World!

 Reflections of Mamie:A Story of Survival

rosemary_adkins.indd

PRESENTS

AUTHOR, MARTHA CHAR LOVE

USING GUT FEELINGS to HEAL FROM THE 

IMPACT of CHILD ABUSE

 

“Mamie” asked me to write a post for her blog because she knows that I have had years of experience in counseling adults, many who have had child abuse in their backgrounds, and she thought I might have something else to add to tell all of you. But I must first say that Mamie has hit it right on the mark with her message “Never Give Up!” Rosemary “Mamie” Adkin’s book “Reflections of Mamie” shares with the reader a powerful inner journey of healing from her own child abuse using the technique of memoir. Her work inspires us as she discovered over and over through writing her memoir that she is a survivor, an understanding that has given her strength and empowerment to move her life forward in a positive manner. And her message to anyone else who has experienced or is experiencing child abuse is that you too have the strength to be a survivor, so “never give up!”.

Child abuse often begins in the earliest years of our lives, prior to school age, even in our infancy.  But try as we may, we cannot seem to find access to all of these very early memories (sometimes none at all) by simply thinking back in time to a very young age. Yet it is these horrific events of child abuse in our early lives that are still affecting us today in our feelings and perspectives, and even our lifestyle decision-making. Often we experience feelings of guilt, shame, and fear, even anger, as our feeling memories of child abuse are triggered in the present and current events of our lives. Therefore, in the present adult life, we often see our lives and ourselves through the lens of a child experiencing this abuse and so we interpret our relationships with others in the present time from the view of that old perspective. All of us want to be cleared of these difficult feeling so we may be more in the now, experience peace and happiness, and make healthy life decisions. But how do we do that if thinking reflection—just thinking back in time—is not enough to uncover these memories?

If you guessed the answer is in the awareness of the feelings in your body, then you are correct! But I would like to be even more specific than that and will say that my colleague and coauthor, Robert Sterling, and I have found in counseling hundreds of people that the access to your memory of the impact of an experience upon you is through your Gut Feelings of emptiness and fullness. We are not talking about feelings in the gut related to hunger of food, but to the feeling gauge in the gut that is related to our inner instinctive needs of feeling connected and cared for by another human being (acceptance) and of feeling in control (freedom) of our own responses to life. As the people we have worked with centered on the feeling in their guts of emptiness and fullness, they were able to reflect back in time with this gut feeling and access memories and the impact of early life experiences in a way that allowed them to reassess their core beliefs of themselves, provide healing and a positive way forward.

The following paragraph gives an example of this healing process for a person having experienced severe child abuse. We have case after case of memories of people that we sat with in counseling for hours exploring their past on a gut feeling level, but this one with Jim (his real name is protected although he gave me permission to write about him) will stay in my conscious memory forever. Many more cases are discussed at length in our book “What’s Behind Your Belly Button?”, in which we were centering on gut feelings of emptiness and fullness and taking people through the Somatic Reflection Process that we developed to assist them in healing and learning from the impact of the past.

Jim was an adult male in his early 30s and had experienced severe child abuse from a very early age until he left his family of origin as a teen. However, he had no conscious memories of his childhood before age 6, when his family moved and he began grade school. He was working with us on the issue in his present life concerning being a single father of two young children and the emotional difficulties he was having in fulfilling his role as a father. He felt overwhelmed, to say the least. The dominant emotion he experienced was one of guilt, the guilt that he was not being a good enough parent. Sadness, fear and depression followed this dominant feeling of guilt. And below those feelings was a great emptiness and aloneness that he felt in his gut, a feeling he described as “like being down in an empty pit with no energy to climb out”. We took that feeling awareness and gradually had him go back in time to see where he had felt that way before. He began remembering, uncovering, memories he had not had since the time he had the original experiences in childhood.

Within an hour of somatic reflection on gut feelings (time feels very quick when you are in this process of feeling memory), Jim was back remembering being 3 years old. As he accessed feeling memories at that time in his life, he was flooded with details of his life that he had completely forgotten, even the color of the walls in his room. But most importantly, while he remembered being abused, he was also able to understand some of his own behavior and see that he was successful in protecting himself and surviving the experience. He had never seen that part of himself nor gave himself that credit. His feelings shifted in his body from feeling empty and depressed to empowered and energized. You can actually see this shift in a person when they make it. As a counselor, I knew healing was beginning for Jim. He was able to use this new information of the strength of his survival to deal with the present issue and successfully fulfill his role as a single father. Jim had come to the same important understanding (both in a feeling and core belief of self) as Mamie has expressed in her memoir. He knew now that he was a “Survivor” and he could use this knowledge for strength in the present.

We did not find in counseling that all people uncovered the same message as Jim and Mamie had from self when going through the Somatic Reflection Process on gut feelings, but it was often true of people who had experienced severe child abuse. Although for both those who did and who did not experience child abuse, the feeling awareness and memory recovered through this process is seen in the light and wisdom of an adult for the first time. This allows the person to be able to update his or her understanding of self from what was originally thought and held onto as an innocent young child who would not have enough information to see that they were not to blame for the problems in their lives, and certainly nor for any abuse inflicted upon them.

We have often used the analogy in our counseling of having a hurtful pimple to having these unconscious memories of child abuse and accompanying emotions that are making our lives unhappy, and are in some way feeling as if they are controlling us. Once the pimple comes to a head and the infection comes out in full, it is healed. But it all must come out before complete healing can take place. Similarly, once a childhood memory of abuse is fully conscious, brought into the daylight so to speak, the feeling impact of the experience changes (shifts) and emotional healing may begin.

There are layers and layers of unconscious memories, so for healing to take place we must be patient and take the time, often years, of inner work to be sure all the feeling memories are no longer buried in our consciousness. But working through feeling awareness on a gut level can render some very important healing results quickly, sometimes within a couple of hours.

So, I do hope you will feel encouraged to find the right person to work with to access your feelings, in the gut region of your body, and bring your memories to the light, find the inner child who has always guided you to survive, and feel the beauty of your Being. Your gut feelings are there for more than you may know and are the key to knowing our true self and for healing. And by all means, heed Mamie’s call to “Never Give Up!”.

Martha Char Love, MA Educational Psychology and Analytical Psychology, PMA Art Therapy

Coauthor of “What’s Behind Your Belly Button? A Psychological Perspective of the Intelligence of Human Nature and Gut Instinct”

Martha Cover Pic

Blog: http://instinctualgutfeelings.blogspot.com

Website: http://careerstorefront.angelfire.com

Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Behind-Your-Belly-Button/dp/1466429895/ref=la_B006L3QXUG_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1345663595&sr=1-1

Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Whats-Behind-Your-Belly-Button/dp/1466429895/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1

 Thank you Martha for sharing your valuable information and being my guest today.  Life sometimes has us stuck if you will, in fast gear and doesn’t allow us to always do what’s so important to us.  That’s what has happened with my post here and why it has been a while since my last blog.  Fortunately, Author Martha Char Love has come to my rescue while I have been traveling and offered us the educational and emotional side of this issue of child abuse.  I wish you well in your journeys healing from a painful part of your lives and ask any others that should observe someone suffering from abuse to reach out and help.  The sell of my book also benefits two charities that help victims. One for children/adult survivors and animals.  Please do follow my links below and write with any questions you may have-my e-mail is on my web site and I would love to hear from you.  

Author Martha Char Love has her links here as well for your convenience to follow and see what she is writing for your needs and interest. Please stop by her Amazon link and read more about this amazing author.

REFLECTIONS OF MAMIE: A STORY OF SURVIVAL is my personal journey of child abuse and how it impacted my life for over 50 years offering hope and how I found my life on the other side not as a victim but whole and happy again.

I welcome you back at any time and hope you will leave your comments and suggestions for future post.  Again, Many Thanks for visiting,Mamie Back Cover Image

Rosemary “Mamie” Adkins

YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALxGeBZELhI

Twitter: @childabusestory and @AdkinsMamie

Web Site: http://www.Reflections-of-Mamie.com

AMAZON: http://www.amazon.com/author/rosemaryadkins

24 thoughts on ““Mamie” Welcomes Author Martha Char Love with Gut Instincts

  1. linniescorner

    Thanks you for such an illuminating account of how traumatic memories can be brought out of the darkness and into the light and ultimately resolved on an adult level. When childhood issues are left unresolved, even when they are remembered, we tend to respond to them at the level of maturity as when we experienced them. I have been acutely aware of many such instances in my own childhood that continually revisited me throughout my life until I finally resolved them on an adult level and not through my childish mindset of when it happened. I am so happy for Jim and for Rosemary who are both glowing examples that your theories are right on target. Martha. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your piece.

    Reply
    1. Martha Love (@silver_menehuni)

      Thank you, linniescorner, for the comment and I am so glad you found this article on using gut feelings to recover memory and resolve one’s past helpful. Interestingly, of all the people we counseled using the Somatic Reflection Process to resolve past issues, I would say 90% had some traumatic memories recovered and reassessed. They were not all concerning child abuse, but the feelings of guilt and shame, fear and anger about not having needs met may have been the same. The details of our lives are outside of us and the impact of the event is what we carry within us. It is wonderful that you have “updated” yourself and that your mindsets about your past are using your adult wisdom.

      Reply
    2. Mamie Post author

      Hello Linda and thank you for visiting and leave us a comment with depth and sincerity about Martha’s fine piece.

      I do hope you will follow our blog and come again. With any luck, Martha Char Love may return again.

      Mamie

      Reply
  2. Martha Love (@silver_menehuni)

    Rosemary, thank you so very much for inviting me to be a guest on your blog. I admire your hard work in supporting those who have experienced child abuse and in educating people on this the occurrence of this devastating human experience. Your book, “Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival”, has helped everyone that I have recommended it to and I thank you for them as well.

    Reply
    1. Mamie Post author

      Martha, I also thank you for the time spent writing this guest post for me while I have been unable to do so. Your contribution will help many people find their way and between both our books, a balance of learning and identifying laced with hope will be what many need.

      Thank you again for your assistance.

      Mamie

      Reply
  3. Cynthia B Ainsworthe

    Martha, Thank you for your entertaining and thought provoking review of “Reflections of Mamie”. Child abuse in any form is horrific and your critique reveals that there is till hope in the end for the victim.

    Reply
    1. Mamie Post author

      Thank you Cynthia for visiting my blog and leaving your comments for Martha.
      I am very lucky to have Martha guest appear here with me and very proud she has found my book worthy of attention.

      I would love to invite anyone with thought or knowledge about chid abuse to contact me in hope they would come be a guest as well.

      Mamie

      Reply
    2. Martha Love (@silver_menehuni)

      Cynthia, there is always hope! And people can recover from even the most horrific child abuse, although it is a lifetime process that may not ever be completed (we all discover new aspects of self every day) and it is very hard inner work. People need help doing this, as no one I have ever known has recovered from abuse all on their own. It takes the care and time of another person sharing feeling. This is one reason I admire Rosemary so very much, because she has turned around after finding some peace of mind within herself and put her hand out to help others by sharing her experiences in her memoir and on this blog site as well.

      Reply
    1. Mamie Post author

      Hello Frances, the key word in your statement is you are survivors as I am. We are no longer victims and it makes my heart happy you are both well and successful. My biggest reason to write my book Reflections of Mamie: A Story of Survival was to offer hope and a story people could identify with so they don’t feel alone.

      You visiting and leaving a comment goes a long way to helping me spread the word you can survive if you ‘NEVER GIVE UP!
      A portion of my profits go to support both a charity for child abuse victims and animals so they too can survive.

      ThankYou Again,
      Mamie

      Reply
    2. Mamie Post author

      Frances, I saw that for whatever reason part of my message did not come through. I wanted to share how happy I am with and for you that you shared your feelings. This was one of the hardest things for me to do. I even hid it from my husband for many years and until my parents passed away, I did not tell him everything. When I was trying to reach into my memories and found so many things buried and blocked due to the pain,Iwas lost until someone shared with me to look at some old photos or look up times in the 50-60′s with hopes of triggering memories so I could let them go. I also found music to help. I am not sure if you want to remember or if are already through the process, but if I can ever be an ear, my e-mail is attached to my web site.
      I can’t thank you enough for the courage it took to step up here and thank you for it.

      Mamie

      Reply
  4. Martha Love (@silver_menehuni)

    Frances, thank you for speaking up here. It is very important for many other people that you have shared your truth. And that you and your husband can share together this experience of surviving child abuse is most certainly a saving grace. Having someone who also understands your pain to share your painful memories with and get them to the light of day is such a blessing. The important thing is to do as Rosemary has done in her memoir and that is to keep sharing and recovering memories until you come to a breakthrough, a point where you feel some sense of calm and inner strength. Also remember to keep as much as possible to sharing feelings in the body rather than focusing on the details of your lives. We can get stuck on those details, particularly the ones that caused the most pain, but what we really need to share with another caring human being is how it felt, the impact of the experience. When the feelings of pain are triggered in the present moment, it is an opportunity to reflect back in time on these feelings and see where they take you and what they may uncover that is still not resolved. I know that sounds odd to say that our consciousness of pain in the present gives us an opportunity for healing, but it does.

    Reply
  5. Sandra Nachlinger

    Thank you, Mamie, for featuring Martha on your blog. She has an important message.
    And thank you, Martha, for your work in helping victims of abuse. I’m sure you’ve made a big difference in many lives.

    Reply
    1. Mamie Post author

      Hello Sandy, Thank you so much for the comments. I do feel so honored that Martha shared her experience with us and helps the abused person find their way. Life is hard enough without having to endure pain from those that are suppose to protect us but when it happens we need people like Martha to help us heal.

      Manu Thanks Again,
      Mamie

      Reply
  6. mrnlovato

    Thank you, Martha, for sharing your insights. Fortunately, I never experienced anything like this growing up, but I was one of the fortunate ones. As I grew into adulthood, I discovered people who had gone through child abuse. I can’t even imagine how horrible that would be. Thank goodness for people who can help.

    Reply
    1. Mamie Post author

      Hello Marion for visiting our blog. I am so happy you have never had to experience this type emotion of child abuse as I have had a very difficult time over coming the effects it has had on my life. Fortunately there are people like Martha that work with the victims so they are no longer a victim but a happy member of society that lives a normal way of life without the trauma of that experience.

      The theory that Martha writes about is accurate and helps you overcome and really, face those demons of the past. It’s a difficult journey but one that is possible.

      Mamie

      Reply
    2. Martha Love (@silver_menehuni)

      Marion, I can identify with you that it is quite a shock to first come in contact as an adult with people who have endured severe child abuse. My first experience of learning about child abuse was in a practicum experience student while teaching the 5th grade. I was 19 years old and was so affected that I signed up to go on for a Master’s Degree in School Psychology. Once you understand that it exists as it does, you just can not ever turn away without doing what you can to stop it. Thank you so very much for participating in our discussion. I know that Rosemary agrees with me that having these open discussions is a big step toward healing these traumas.

      Reply
  7. mallie1025

    Thank you Martha and Mamie for a coordinated effort to help stop child abuse by sharing your own well told, brutal background as an abused child. Martha’s expertise shows us the why’s of how these abuses exist and help for those abused, but the scars remain in the soulk of the abused forever.

    Reply
    1. Mamie Post author

      Hello Micki,

      It is so nice to see you here. It has been a long time connecting but as always, thank you for supporting my blog. Mostly I thank you for being compassionate about the subject of child abuse and the effects it had on me and enjoying the way my book was written.

      I hope to see you in the future.

      Mamie

      Reply
    2. Martha Love (@silver_menehuni)

      Micki, it is wonderful to have your wisdom in our conversation. It is certainly true that there is hope for healing for everyone who has experienced abuse. There is, for all people (not just those victims of child abuse), as you have said “scars” or what we may also call groves of feeling responses left from the impact of our difficult and stressful life experiences where our needs as human beings were not met. In psychology, Carl Jung has called them complexes. The emotional response from these scars can be triggered by events in the present and we may feel abused, overwhelmed, afraid, angry, paranoid, etc. over and over —even in a situation that is not dangerous nor is actually causing these feelings. The great news is that if we understand these “grooves” and allow ourselves to be conscious of them and feel into them in our body, we can stop them from playing out over and over. Hope you come back, as your insights are always welcome!

      Reply
  8. Anne Sweazy-Kulju

    I am praying your book can help a friend of mine. She has just been incarcerated (again) for 45 days at a state mental hospital (I won’t go into all the reasons), where I don’t believe she gets real help before she is turned out on the street again. She suffered severe, prolonged physical and sexual abuse as a child. This article gives me hope. Thank you!

    Reply
    1. Mamie Post author

      Hello Anne, Hope is all we have in life that all our dreams of having a life that’s happy be satisfied.
      It’s why I wrote my book so that others could identify knowing that they are not alone and see it is full of hope.
      Martha’s book helps in so manny ways on how to learn the process of healing. In fact recently I remembered yet another brutal attack that turned me upside down but with Martha’s help within a few days it lessened it hold on me. I am dealing with it and realizing it will no longer hurt me or change the goodness I have now in my life.

      I also pray that your friend gets the hope and help she deserves.

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and Martha’s fine piece.

      Mamie

      Reply
    2. Martha Love (@silver_menehuni)

      Anne, it is often devastating, certainly sad, for the people who must witness suffering as you are with your friend who is now incarcerated. This is particularly so when there seems to be so little that you can do about changing difficult circumstances or the environment that the person is in. I do hope your friend can get some genuine help through some counseling very soon. No one can sift through the layers of suffering from abuse and come up with a new perspective with out some help initially from others. Your caring for your friend is very powerful and may well be the encouragement she needs to keep her going until more help comes her way for healing. Books are a huge help and I think that is a great idea to get her the books if she feels like reading, but nothing can take the place of another human being talking to you and caring in person.

      Sometimes, one of the only and best things we can do for someone else who is suffering is to turn inwardly and reflect on our own feelings within ourselves and see what witnessing their suffering touches in our lives, in our own feelings. Becoming more aware of our own feelings and finding hope in our own life can have a positive rippling affect upon others and may also be important to share with your friend at some point. Feelings around abuse are very deep for all of us, whether we are the one who was abused or the witness of the affects of this suffering.

      Reply

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